#11 - Twitter

Improve your twitter experience by adding the words "because I beat up small children" after every tweet.

#10 - Social Faux Pas

A reach around is not an appropriate way to greet people at a silent auction. It is however, a perfect way to start a conversation.

#9 - Hygiene

When going out in public, one should always wear deodorant of some sort. Should you lack deodorant, a can of potpourri spray works as effectively and will bring a fresh springtime scent to your armpits.

#8 - Workplace Safety

You know what any office or cubicle needs that's critical to a safe working environment? A sword. How else would you fend for your life?

#7 - Dating tips for men

No matter how good an idea it may seem, never pick up a girl at a battered women's shelter. It's worse than trying to pick up a girl at a funeral home.

#6 - Taco Bell

It's scientific fact that Taco Bell's entire menu of items starts to decompose the moment it comes into contact with air so a typical person has roughly two or three minutes to consume their meal before it tastes like shame and disappointment.

#5 - Tips for females

If you're a female and ever on a bad date that you want to get out of, just very seriously interrupt the other person with the statement "oh man, my balls itch." Warning, may not deter people in San Francisco.